I think it’s time to face the facts. My body clearly isn’t ready.
Even after the first miscarriage I thought, “I don’t need to take a break, I just want to keep trying until it works!”
But eventually the hormone fluctuations, the questions, and the emotional burden all take a toll. The stress of wondering if it’s viable or not is more than I have the capacity for right now.
At this point, hubby and I have come to the decision to take a much needed break from the emotional turmoil we’ve faced over the last couple of months.
Coming through the new year and having had some meditation time, I think it is in both of our best interests to take some time to focus on us, focus on finishing school, and spend some time healing together.
I think it would be foolish of me to assume that there would be a 100% success rate the third time around.
I can’t imagine going through a miscarriage again during the last four months of hubby finishing school. His work is already emotionally exhausting and putting that stress on him is just plain silly.
So, after much discussion, we’ll be back on the birth control train once I get the last of my blood work done.
Strangely, I’m not sad about it. I’ve really come to terms with the fact that the most important thing right now is focusing on our relationship, healing my body, my mind and my soul, and focusing on outside things like my job and getting hubby through school.
I’ve become really motivated to change things for the better in our lives. Learning, growing, helping others, and improving our lives as a whole.
I think that once I feel like I’ve accomplished some of those things, we will be ready again.
My goal is to become a better wife and a better human first, and I suppose it will just be a bit of a longer road to becoming mommy.