Disappointment for Christmas

“Merry Christmas,” I choked out as I hung up the phone. She replied the same but the tone suggested she knew I wasn’t going to be feeling very merry.

The phone call was with the doctor this morning.

I spent this past week visiting the hospital, getting blood work done as the ultrasound was inconclusive last week.

This morning I had a fair amount of bleeding but no cramps.

I called the doctor.  Luckily she had access to check my labs online so she checked them and called me back.  According to the blood work by HCG levels were dropping, not increasing as they should be.

She told me that the likeliest explanation is that I was never pregnant the second time.  After a miscarriage, your hormone levels can stay high enough to trigger a positive pregnancy test, even weeks later.

I mean, it’s extremely confusing to me.  I took a pregnancy test at the doctor’s office immediately after my miscarriage and it had come back negative.

Why would my hormone levels all of a sudden spike a month later, giving the positive pregnancy test? Why has is been so long since I’ve had a period?

I guess if I still have enough HCG in my system, my body may be hormonally convinced that I’m still pregnant.  Would explain the sickness, sore breasts, and lack of a period.

Doesn’t make it any less frustrating though.

Like my husband said this morning, it’s an emotional roller coaster.  Every time we get excited and have actually mentally prepared ourselves for having a baby, it gets yanked.

Especially twice in 2 months. I mean, give us a break. It’s Christmas.

So, now we continue our journey.


I thank God we didn’t have another miscarriage.

I’m thankful we still get to spend the holidays together and I’m thankful that we have the love that we do.

I’m happy that the New Year is around the corner.

Time for a new start. Time to get some visiting in, decompress over the holidays, and time to let the roller coaster glide for a while.

No more loop-the-loops.



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